Long time no see

TW: Talk of SA

Dear stranger,

It's been a while. Many things have occurred, both good and bad, but let's start from the beginning.

My parents left for a few months due to work, leaving me to live alone. I had just purchased a car, giving me the freedom to do as I pleased. One night, I went out with some friends to a club and met a guy. My friends and I took a break to get some water after dancing for a while. Three guys approached us: Purple, Grey, and Teal. Grey was encouraging Purple while Teal was just there.

Initially, I was cautious because, after all, it was the club. Purple mentioned it was his first time at the club, celebrating passing his military test. He used the classic line, “You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I think you're the one for me.” I laughed and rolled my eyes, telling him to stop lying before returning to the dance floor. He asked me to dance, and I said maybe if I saw him again, then kept walking. Both of them called out to me before I lost them in the crowd. Ten minutes later, Grey found me, drunk and excited, calling Purple over. It took Purple about ten minutes to locate us. We danced. He told me he loved me, and I told him he didn't, to be quiet and just dance.

Eventually, we parted ways. My friends and I ended up on the balcony, relaxing and watching the people below. He found me again. I laughed and stepped aside to chat. We talked about real-life things under the neon lights, and for a moment, I thought there could be more.

I gave him my number and told him to call me before leaving. He texted me later that night, and we arranged a date for the next day. It went well, time passed, and we began dating. We became intimate, and to be honest, it was good. As time went on, we hung out almost every day after work, with Grey joining us occasionally.

More time passed, and he gradually started to change. Initially, he seemed very put together, responsible, and mature.

One specific time during intimacy, I changed my mind halfway through. I was in pain, i asked him to stop, pleaded with him, tried to push him away while nearly in tears, but he held my arms down.

He didn’t stop.

I broke up with him less than a week later.

Before this incident, while we were having problems, I turned to Grey. I was having issues with my best friend and had no one else to confide in. Now I realize how that sounds, but no, we didn’t have those kinds of intentions. He was older than both of us and could offer advice.

He talked with me for hours on the phone after the incident. Eventually, he discovered things about Purple that led to them ending their friendship. Grey and I started spending time together. I would vent, and he eventually opened up. We bonded over everything with Purple and moved from mutual friends to friends to more. Time passed, and now he's my boyfriend.

Purple ended up calling me repeatedly, using random numbers, sending spam texts, having his friends follow me on social media, and messaging me on platforms like Spotify despite being blocked.

Throughout this, I lost someone who was like a sister, family. I feel a deep ache in my heart because, despite the bad times, at the end of the day, she was my girl. Someone who saved me from myself countless times and someone I would run to talk to, the only person I felt I could confide in.

To suddenly not have that person in my life, even though I knew it was coming, I don’t know how to feel. I feel very alone; how can someone I’ve known for almost a decade become a stranger who knows all my secrets? Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn’t be so hurt because I wasn’t as considered on her side, but she was my childhood. I’m allowed to feel upset and hurt. I no longer have someone to call my best friend, and I’m unsure how to feel about that. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be as close to someone again.

As I said, a lot has happened.

-Blue