The struggle of religion

Dear stranger,

I’ve struggled with religion for most of my life. I grew up in a God-fearing house, I went to church, I prayed, and then I grew up. I lost that childlike innocent faith and started to question. I became an atheist, a closed-minded one at that. I was very angry, at my family, at life, at God. But deep down it’s always been a struggle.

Between wanting to believe but being scared. And who I am now as a person: I want to believe. I so heartily want to, but I can’t get over the thought of being so lost. Of being such a horrible person, of being terrified that He might not exist. I know believing in Him is putting blind faith, I know that is the point.

And that has to be the scariest thing I’ve ever faced.

This has to be the scariest thing I will face. All I ask is that I get the help I need, I find faith, and that what I need will come to me. Because I pray He is real and that He knows.

Please give me what I need, not what I want.

-Blue