Fear

Dear stranger,

What's your biggest fear?

I think my biggest fear is opening up to someone. If this was two years ago and someone asked me that I would probably say I didn't have one but as I've grown I've realized that whenever I do open up to someone I immediately shut down and ghost them. I know that's bad. I don't do it on purpose, it's more of a subconscious thing that I've now become aware of. I think when I open up to someone I immediately make decisions for them. I assume that now they don't want anything to do with me and take the lead in separating the bond. When I open up to someone it stays on my mind forever. I constantly think about how much I may have overshared or what I could have said differently. I love deep conversations which is weird considering I have problems with opening up. I know it's something I need to work on and I am, with myself. I have thought of getting a therapist but there are a few factors to take in. I know it would help greatly but again I would have to open up and then there's my parents who think everything is okay with me. Saying it out loud, it sounds like excuses and maybe it is. Maybe I haven't made as much progress as I thought.

-Blue